By Cherrilynn Bisbano @bisbanowrites
I keep getting interrupted when I talk, and it hurts.
The words echoed in my head as I blurted out my opinion while the other person spoke.
“You didn’t let me finish .” She yelled.
“Well, you keep cutting me off too,” I said.
We both took deep breaths and apologized.
The incident reminded me of when a good friend told me I was a horrible listener, so I conducted an in-depth study on it from the Bible and psychology articles. I became so efficient I taught it to businesses and led workshops.
I guess I wasn’t practicing what I knew. UGH! Stress can do that to a person.
As writers, our personal and professional relationships will benefit from a reminder of how to actively listen, especially during stressful times. My prayer is this information helps all of us become better communicators.
Active listening is vital to understanding ideas, personalities, and emotions.
My pastor said, “You have two ears and one mouth. Use them accordingly.”
Even God called Israel to listen.
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The number one commandment “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deuteronomy 6:4-5 (NIV)
The original word for hear is shâmaʻ, shaw-mah;’ a primitive root; to hear intelligently, with implication of attention and obedience.
The word is used over three hundred times in the New International Version. (NIV) Here are just a few examples.”
“Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say.” Proverbs 7:24
“Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.” Ecclesiastes 5:1
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19
The Amplified version of Proverbs 18:13 convicted me.
“He who answers before he hears [the facts]— It is folly and shame to him.”
I don’t want to be a fool. Do you?
If listening is important to our God then it should be important to us.
While ministering or communicating with others we must know what they need. How do we know this? By listening with intent.
Here are a few practical tools to actively listen.
Make the person feel like they are the only one in the room.
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and they are looking around the room? I have. I felt unimportant. It hurt. When I find myself doing this, I focus and try to maintain eye contact. I don’t want to make the person feel invisible. God placed this person in our path; listen. God will give us time for the others.
Lean in toward the speaker and allow for personal space.
This helps with distractions and shows the speaker we are listening with intent. Keep arms unfolded; we look more open to receiving information.
Use vocal agreement.
A few, “Yes,” and “Uh Huh” can go a long way. This proves to the speaker that we listen and care.
Keep from judging.
A person may have a lisp, be in known sin, or just rub us the wrong way. Put all that aside and listen. We may learn something about that person to help us minister to them.
Repeat what is heard.
Have your words been misunderstood? Money and relationships have been lost because of miscommunications. Repeating what we hear will eliminate any confusion. Here are a few questions we can ask after the person is done with their statement.
- “I understood you to say (repeat what you understood them to say) is that correct?”
- “Did you mean (state in your own words what you heard) when you said “(repeat back what the person said)?”
The person might say, “No, that is not what I meant.”
This is the opportunity for us to listen again until we have the same understanding.
It takes time to listen with intent. Practice with a friend, spouse, or coworker.
If you see me, I’ll practice with you. The Lord knows my mouth opens before my ears engage in the conversation.
What part of listening is difficult for you? Join the conversation.
Parts of this blog post were taken from a previous blog about listening and love.
Cherrilynn Bisbano is a coach, editor, and partner at The Write Coach Team.
As former managing editor of Almost an Author, she helped the website earn the #6 spot on the Top 100 best writing websites for 2018 by The Write Life and Top 101 Websites for writers with Writers Digest.
Cherrilynn is a speaker with Women Speakers. Her topics include leadership, book proposals, and the Bible and a member of American Christian Fiction Writers ACFW.
She is a two-time winner of Flash Fiction Weekly. You can find her published in Southern Writers, More to Life (MTL), Christian Rep, Christian Voice, Refresh and other online magazines. Cherrilynn is a contributor to Selah nominated, Breaking the Chains, Heart Reno, and Chicken Soup for the Soul-Miracles books.
Cherrilynn proudly served in the Navy and Air National Guard, earning the John Levitow Military leadership award. She lives with her eighteen-year-old son, Michael, Jr., and husband of 21 years.
Cherrilynn loves Christ, Chocolate, coffee, and Cats.
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