The church is filled with many personality types with different levels of brokenness. We all process information differently, filtered by past experience, hurts, pains, and joys. As authors we desire our writing to point people to Christ. He is the ultimate healer and He will use our words to heal. How do we know what to write? We listen to God and listen to the needs of others, especially the downcast.
Theologian Paul Tillich summed it up in 8 words, “The first duty of love is to listen.
A good friend told me that I was a terrible listener. “What! Me? I have a degree in communications!” After the initial hurt wore off, I acknowledged that he was right. That set me on a journey to become a listener with intent to help others become good listeners. I began with the Bible.
The number one commandment “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deuteronomy 6:4-5 (NIV)
The original word for hear is shâmaʻ, shaw-mah’; a primitive root; to hear intelligently, with implication of attention and obedience.
God calls us to listen. The word is used over three hundred times in the New International Version. (NIV) Here are just a few examples”
“Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say.” Proverbs 7:24
“Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.” Ecclesiastes 5:1
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19
If listening is that important to our God than it should be important to us.
While ministering to others we must know what they need. How do we know this? By listening with intent.
In my research I have found some proven tools to listen with intent. Here are just a few.
–Make the person feel like they are the only one in the room. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and they are looking around the room? I have. I felt unimportant. It hurt. When I find myself doing this, I focus and try to maintain eye contact. I don’t want to make the person feel invisible. We all know that in ministry there are many people that need our ear. God has put this person in our path; listen and love. God will give us time for the others.
– Lean in toward the speaker and allowing for personal space. This helps with distractions and shows the speaker we are listening with intent. Keep arms unfolded; we look more open to receiving information.
–Use vocal agreement. A few, “Yes,” “Uh Hum’s” can go a long way. This proves to the speaker that we listen and care.
-Keep from judgement. A person may have a lisp, be in known sin or just rubs us the wrong way. Put all that aside and listen. We may learn something about that person that will help us minister to them.
–Repeat back what is heard. Have your words been totally misunderstood? Money and relationships have been lost because of it. Repeating back what we hear will eliminate any confusion. Here are a few questions we can ask after the person is done with their statement.
“I understood you to say (repeat what you understood them to say) is that correct?”
“Did you mean (state in your own words what you heard) when you said “(repeat back what the person said)?”
The person might say, “No, that is not what I meant.”
This is the opportunity for us to listen again until we are all have the same understanding.
People feel cared for when we make a conscious effort to hear not only the words but understanding what they need.
It takes time to listen with intent. Practice with a friend, spouse, or coworker. Don’t give up. We will reap great rewards.
The body of Christ will begin to heal when we love, listen, and write.
What part of listening is difficult for you?
Cherrilynn Bisbano is the founder of The Write Proposal book proposal services.
As managing editor of Almost an Author, she helped the website earn the #6 spot on the Top 100 best writing websites for 2018 by The Write Life and Top 101 Websites for writers with Writers Digest.
Cherrilynn is a speaker with Women Speakers. Her topics include leadership, book proposals, and the Bible. She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers.
She is a two-time winner of Flash Fiction Weekly. You can find her published in Southern Writers, More to Life (MTL), Christian Rep, Christian Voice, Refresh and other online magazines. Cherrilynn is a contributor to Selah-nominated Breaking the Chains, Heart Reno, and Chicken Soup for the Soul-Miracles books.
The Conversation
Listening is a skill that is learned on purpose. One has to make the decision to think of someone else first, and not listen until it is your turn, but to listen to hear and understand. I’ve also learned that if I want someone to listen to me about something, I must listen to them first. Thanks, Cherrilynn for a great post!